Lets talk about sex.

Sex. Glorious sex. Holy, godly, fun…sex.

Ohhh yeah that’s right. I said it.
Did it make your goosebumps show up?
Did it make you cringe?

We have such a skewed misconception of what sex is. Especially in our Christian cultures.
We have always learned that ‘it is bad, don’t do it until you’re married’.
But the whole ‘don’t do it!!’ lesson gives many of us a bad taste of what exactly sex is.

this, unfortunately, is most of our ‘christian’ views on sex…

Sex is a God made thing.
It was created to image the intimacy we are to have with Christ.
Not that we have sex with God/Christ – but that the closeness we have with God / Christ should be intimate just like our relationships with our wife or husband.

I had the great honor to go to a video recording of a conference that my friend Ryan Dalgliesh [Follow him!] is going to be putting on in the coming months.
He talked, first, about biblical brides – what they are called to, how they’re to act, how they’re to be.
Then…sex. Lots of sex. An hour of talking about sex.

He said a lot of things that stuck with me. But one of the major ones was this (I paraphrase):

Sex, and the desires to have sex, are not bad! God gave us sex to enjoy, to image him and to bring our spouse closer to Him. It is a weird thing to think about. But we are imaging our relationship with Christ when we have sex. That being said, our desires to have sex are not bad either (for all the single people in the room)…we SHOULD have that desire, just as we should have the desire to go deeper with Christ. We just must wait to awaken those desires until the appointed time…AKA: after marriage. We should honor, love and respect sex. If we treat sex as if it is dirty all the way up to our marriage bed, then we do our marriage bed a great injustice.

Sex is to be enjoyed. It is to be liked. Sex is good! If used properly, sex will bring a married couple closer to Christ, and will keep you and your spouse from sinning. How crazy is that?!

Ryan also said something funny, and awesome. He said that his concern is that we should have a vigorous and fun marriage bed. How awesome is that? If my youth pastor would have told my 13 year old self that he ‘wants me to have a vigorous, fun and exciting marriage bed’ – I’d probably listen to him more. Rather than him putting a discolored, untrue, image of what sex is in my head.

Sex is good. Sex was invented by God, to be enjoyed with your spouse. When you are in Christ, and in a marriage covenant, and have sex, you are glorifying Christ! It is a worship session right there…in your bed! NEAT!

Now, married couples. Go worship. Worship gladly!
Unmarried couples (including myself) – refrain from it. Keep those passions, but be careful with them. Don’t let them take root…guard your heart & marriage bed, so that you one day may be able to have a ‘vigorous, fun and exciting marriage bed…’


  • John,

    Unread your tweets and some of your posts here and this one seriously caught my attention. To often in our Christian walk we are taught from an early age Sex is bad. You posting this is bold an right on the money. Your friends discussion on the topic is a timely talk and needed. So thanks to you both.

    I’d like to share a website from my pastor and his book he and his wife wrote on this exact topic and how sex is a gift from God an how our desires are God given. But weiss keep our desires aligned with Gods design for them otherwise our desires can go haywire. So please checkout the book. My fiancé and I have read it and it’s a game changer for dating people and can be kickstart for married couples and help singles looking for that one to marry.


    Keep the bold messages and post coming. God bless you.

  • Hello,
    I enjoyed reading your post and even shared on FB. I listened to a preacher couple of years ago say ‘Sex is an act of worship’. I thought he didn’t get it right. It was strange. Not the usual thing you’ll hear about sex in the church. But it helped to clarify so many things and also make the waiting period worth it. I look forward to having godly, vigorous, fun sex when the time is right (in the context of marriage). ☺

    • it is really strange to think about, just because pastors and leadership have created a very much not-needed disconnect with what sex is, and what it means to Christ. Christ loves sex! He created it. Crazy to think about. hah
      Love that last sentence. Thanks for the smile ;)

  • Great blog John. Its all very true. There’s a stigma that’s been created forcing us to relate sex as bad. Even married couples can struggle with this. I feel like you should have included where sex inside of marriage can lead yourself and your spouse away from sin (you tweeted about this). I think many Christian today don’t realize that sex is not only fantastic but even necessary inside of marriage. That being said there are those called to singleness. (Paul for example)

  • Amen! Ever listen to or read any Kris Vallotton from Bethel? “Moral Revolution”… So good! Talks about stuff like this… “It was God who gave you a sex drive when He said be fruitful and multiply”.. One of my favourite things he says!

  • Great post, John.

    I was talking with some friends about this topic this past weekend in reference to pre-marital sex. When we have sex, it’s like sticking two pieces of duct tape together. If we hop from one person to another, it’s like tearing the duct tape apart (from the first relationship) and then trying to stick your piece of duct tape to someone else’s piece of duct tape. Suddenly, it doesn’t stick so well. You see, when sex is handled as Biblically prescribed it’s two pieces of duct tape stuck together that have never been used before. It’s hard to get them apart. There’s a good adhesion. You get the picture….

  • Amen bro.

    I waited until marriage, but growing up the “sex is bad” message was pounded in my head.

    I agree with you and Jon Acuff. The message should be “Sex is good, but God wants us to save it for marriage because then it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!”

  • very precise! I have followed you for quite a while on twitter and i have always been inspired by many of them.. And everytime @ivybyram tweets sweet things to you, i smile and thank God for you both. I don’t know you both personally, but I always pray that my relationship be great too. This blogpost got me thinking and though, I know deep down, i might not have things on the right track, i’m praying God helps me and my boyfriend. P.S. May I ask you questions through DMs? God bless ya!

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